lemondrop

On this cool but sunny day, I sit here smiling. Uncontrollably, really.

And rather than to spoil the moment, or whatever this is… I bring out a post from the archives. Although it was originally posted a few months ago, and in an entirely different context, today, it still rings exactly true.

 I feel like since I’ve started this blog over a year ago, it’s sort of replaced one of my most favourite de-stressers, journal writing. I still take the time to write down stories I won’t want to forget, or moments of inspiration, but not as often as I would have done had I not had a blog. Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging. Sometimes the old adage “a picture says a thousand words” - is bang on. Maybe that’s something that’s drawing me to tumblr; that i can put pictures alongside my words to help me remember a feeling. I think that’s cool. However, I also think that a feeling stays longer the more “old-school” you keep it. I’ve been noticing that the things that make my stomach swoosh and flip are crying out to be written down. And I usually just automatically turn to my blog. I click Create post, and the feeling instantly turns to just words, a prose of pre-determined font. There is no personality to this block of text you are reading right now. It’s just black & white. Letters perfectly kerned to the next. Not me. I like writing my dates in thick block letters, and underlining my titles, and trying a new signature at the end of every piece.

What I’m saying, is that the things that I want to remember the most, are the things I write in my journal. My six year old purple hardcover journal whose spine no longer cracks - now that’s got personality. As I look back through my journal at all the pages I’ve written throughout my teenage years, I laugh at my old squished, bubbly handwriting that has transformed into something tall and sometimes un-readable. I sigh at the vulnerability I read in my younger self, the eager girl who just wanted to be older, who felt out of place because the things she thought about didn’t always make sense out loud.

It’s the greatest feeling to look back on the past however-many years of your life, and to be able to go back to that exact place in your heart and to know that nobody else will ever understand what exactly that day felt like, except you. Hand written words will forever hold so much more soul and raw emotion than a typed font, and that’s something I’m afraid I just can’t give up.

So, when I sat down to write to all of you out there - my friends, family and strangers too - I was planning to tell you about something that made my body flip and flop all over the room, but now that I think about it… I think I’ll keep it to myself. Sometimes, it’s just not worth risking the loss of a feeling that I so want to remember forever.